Adaptation

Adaptation has to be one of the most important skills to have in life. Its what makes life keep growing and as i socialize and continue to work in such a diverse workplace i learn more and more than my adaption skills are honestly one of a kind, and it makes people confused unless they are simply as open minded as me. But even being open minded cannot give you these adaptational skills. It was through my past and meditation as i picked apart everyone and myself and how different people act and talk and body language and decisions that i understood even part of it. then i had to take it all and understand, so who am i? I am everyone but i am noone.

It wasnt until recently, like..the past month where i truely became who i always wanted to be..me. Im comfortable with exactly who i am and i dont ever want to change it unless like before, i am aware of it. The great thing is, I will be! I've observed my behavior at work versus at the bar and versus with certain networks and its mindblowing to me how i can simply adapt so well. Whether it be hanging with ex cons talking about how niggas used to kill if you dont pass your kicks to extreme gnarly longboarder to hey, can you stop being so loud? im trying to sit here in peace and just do that for the next couple hours to completely professional then completely childish! and its all under command. Before i used to blend the wrong body languages with the wrong tones at the wrong time but now im just...going with the flow.

Ive been getting alot of very intense dreams lately where im completely in control and i feel pressured and theres alot of senses going on..I recall there was one dream last night where my sisters were trying to force me to jump off the roof of my old house..and i was like Are you fucking nuts?! thats two stories up! and my sister was like come on!! itll be funn! and she did it and stood right back up...and i was so scared but i wanted to do it..thats how i am when i feel fear. These dreams are not only letting me be mentally conscious but emotionally as well, and its a completely different level of lucid dreaming. I just looked up what it means to have a roof in a dream and i read this

Roof: Seeing a roof in your dream represents that you have a mind block up between your unconscious and conscious. You do not want your waking state to be mixed with your dreaming state. You should let your dreams express your feelings, do not be afraid of your unconscious. 

If you are on top of a roof it means you are going to be victorious. However, if you fall off then you are not guaranteed to achieve your goals if you do not find proper grounding. If you are fixing your roof it means you are preparing yourself to do better.

But what if i was forced to jump off the roof? >< thats not a good sign at all. And you know what? i do have a block between my conscious and unconscious i guess, but i want to keep it at that. I also had another nightmare about the gremlin recently. I dont remember the dream but the feeling i get when i look into his eyes still haunts me. As if im looking into hell, and its like im looking directly at every weakness i have. I dont remember any other dream but thinking about the emotion i get when i see the gremlin brings a shiver up and down my spine.

To further adaptation though, i talk to customers for sometimes hours at a time and there was this one lady and man that talked to me for 2 hours. She ended the conversation with the greatest compliment ever. To be a people person and have individuality and enjoy time alone is a social adeptness that creates limitless opportunities for a human mind to prosper and you have that characteristic, im a pyschologist and i can tell you that you are the new generation of genius and i know you will have a great future ahead of you. But then i thought immediately afterward, so this is adaptation...and what she doesnt know is within my individuality there are complexities that blend in perfect unison as well such as emotion and reason. while the people person side of me can actually not only understand your needs but how to manipulate it. so does that mean instead of the top 10% im the top 5%?

I've been thinking alot about the idea of vibes as well. Auras. My alertness has heightened as i continue to become more comfortable with myself. There are some days when time seems to slow i feel more tired, during those days i see rather vivid auras. Just two days ago i felt such a strong kill intent in the air i took off my headphones and uncapped my pen as i walked into the subway system. 10 mins later i find out there were several incidences of jumpings in a 2-3 block radius. I was surprised to find that for once my senses were able to detect that, something so ambiguous.Along with mental stability, soul/energy stability, ive also achieved a physical stabilty. I wiped out hard 3 days ago...and couldnt even pick up my bag with just a nametag in it, weighed less than a pound. My arm was fucked up cause i thing i twisted it. Amazingly i have full functionality of my hand and most of my wrist and elbow after 3 days! Only at certain angles does my elbow throw out this spiking pain that shoots straight down to my hand but i was helping my friend move in today and it was working fairly well! for once i actually extended it all the way with weight on it! amazing how fast my body is healing...

There was also this thought in my head, that ive been meaning to put out for a while. I have the people friendlyness of abel but the sweetness and short temper of sonny...These two guys i thought i could never match when it comes to personality and game and yet i realize very well now that i am actually mediating both of them.

Recently i also finally got the balls to talk to my dad man to man. I told him everything from why i have a girlfriend to why im smoking and who i am and who i see him as. We talked like real men and i told him "dad i want to sit down with you and enjoy a beer with you laughing, not coming home feeling like im at a job cause i have to listen to everything im not actually doing wrong but i am to you, thats so boss vs employee like" we even talked about that time he disowned me. and he responded as so, "thomas, a dad and a son should always be the closest bond in the family and im very proud of you, you became the man i wanted you to be on your own, i understand your burdens." Ive never been more happy. I think thats the perfect way to end this post. Dad, im going to become a man soon, i promise.